Finding out your child is being bullied is one of the hardest moments in family life. Alongside the worry for your child, many parents feel unsure about how schools actually work — who to speak to, what they are entitled to ask, and what happens next. The good news is that schools in the UK are required to have an anti-bullying policy, and parents have a real role in shaping how well it works in practice. This guide walks you through the practical steps.

Start by Asking to See the Policy

Every school in the UK must have a behaviour policy that includes measures to prevent bullying, and most also publish a separate anti-bullying policy. You do not need a special reason to read it — it should be available on the school website, and you can request a paper or emailed copy from the school office.

When you read it, look for:

• A clear definition of bullying, including physical, verbal, social and online forms.
• The named roles responsible — head teacher, pastoral lead, designated safeguarding lead, form tutor or head of year.
• How incidents are recorded, investigated and sanctioned, and the timescales involved.
• How the school supports the child who has been bullied, not just the child doing the bullying.
• How bullying is covered in the curriculum, including online safety and respectful relationships.

If the policy feels vague, that is worth raising in itself. "We take bullying seriously" is a sentiment, not a procedure.

Understand the Reporting Routes

Ask the school to explain, in plain terms, the different ways a concern can be raised. Most secondary schools have several, and knowing which to use saves time and frustration.

• Informal route: the form tutor or class teacher, often the quickest first step for a single incident.
• Pastoral route: the head of year or pastoral lead, who usually coordinates ongoing support.
• Safeguarding route: the designated safeguarding lead, essential if there are threats, violence, or concerns about safety outside school.
• Pupil route: a worry box, an online reporting form, or a named member of staff children can approach directly.

Ask what your child can use independently. Many children will not report bullying to a parent, let alone a teacher, so a simple, well-advertised pupil reporting route matters enormously.

Ask the Right Questions in the Meeting

Whether you meet in person or correspond by email, keep a dated written record of everything. Before the meeting, write down what your child has told you, with dates, names and locations where possible. Then ask:

• What exactly will be investigated, and by whom?
• What timescale applies, and when will I hear back?
• What support will my child receive in the meantime — a safe space at break, a check-in with a trusted adult, adjustments in lessons?
• What will be said to the other child or children, and how will their behaviour be monitored?
• Will the school record this as a bullying incident, and can I have that confirmed in writing?

That last point is important. A logged incident is easier to track, review and escalate if things do not improve.

Request Regular Updates on Progress

Do not wait to be contacted. Ask for a scheduled review — for example, a phone call in two weeks and a further check-in after half term. Request that updates cover three things: what has happened since, what the school has done, and what your child has reported about their day.

If your child has special educational needs or is disabled, bullying risk can be higher, and the school should consider this within the graduated approach. Ask how the pastoral and SEND teams are working together, and whether any adjustments — such as supervised break times — should be recorded.

If Progress Stalls, Use the Formal Process

Most concerns are resolved at this stage. If not, you have clear options:

• Ask for the school's complaints procedure and follow it, keeping to the stated stages and deadlines.
• Write to the chair of governors, particularly the governor responsible for safeguarding.
• Contact the local authority, which can advise on school complaints and, in some cases, academy issues.
• If you believe safeguarding duties are not being met, you can contact the local authority's designated officer or the relevant inspection body.

Stay factual and calm in writing. A clear timeline of incidents, contacts and responses is far more powerful than a long account of how upsetting it has been — although your distress is entirely understandable.

Keep Your Child at the Centre

Throughout the process, check in with your child about what they want to happen. Some children want a quiet word with a teacher; others want a formal response. Reassure them that the bullying is not their fault, that reporting it was brave, and that adults are dealing with it.

Protect family wellbeing too. Keep routines steady, limit unhelpful screen time if online bullying is involved, and make space for ordinary, enjoyable time together. If your child's sleep, mood, appetite or school attendance changes significantly, speak to your GP and ask the school about pastoral or counselling support.

Working with your school, rather than against it, tends to get the quickest results. Ask to see the policy, use the right reporting route, request updates in writing, and follow the formal process if needed. You are not being difficult by doing this — you are holding the school to the standard it has already set for itself.